Chamisa tells us he will not go for a Congress, certainly not before 2023 harmonised elections.
Yet he is Triple C’s presidential aspirant.

He relied on Hopewell Chin’ono — a.k.a. meemee goat investor of Murehwa — to fly the kite.

This stupendous goat investor lately has been Chamisa’s trusted errand boy. Including on probing missions for a pact with Zanu-PF.

About that, let little be said for now.

But he flew the kite, and did so with the panache of a bull in a China shop!

Hard and hot in tow was Hwende, ready to officialise what Hopewell seemed to goof about: Triple C would not go to Congress ahead of 2023! Congress is expensive business, Hwende added, pasting some USD2m cost tag to it.

The harmonised elections themselves would need some USD200m or more, he opined.

When a Professor from the East went berserk

That put the Triple C dove-coat in a swooning flutter.

All hell broke loose, with Professor Jonathan Moyo — Triple C’s unhappy ideologue — stridently registering vehement objections.

How could anyone sane and with any pretensions to democratic credentials sidestep so crucial a stage and process to leadership legitimacy, wailed the Professor from the East.

He quoted chapter and verse, quoted all and any example from history — history past, present and future — to fortify his outrage at this political abomination most foul!

Was he heard?

Triple C’s Twitter hit squads lacerated, nay eviscerated, the good Professor, including superfluously reminding him of his G-40 roots, a reminder he did not need, least of all from TripleC’s irreverent kids.

Not known to take blows lying, the Professor came back, darting venom, spitting big book, and big English on his hapless “O”Level tormentors.

What political burlesque! In feigned politeness and with a mighty hoof in cheek, I asked the good Professor: do you think they grasp this recondite stuff you are adumbrating?

He ignored me, suitably!

Beyond the burlesque, I found the defence raised by Chamisa’s people a sample of political tragicomedy.

Let’s face it, Triple C is the West’s vehicle for a neo-colonial project targeting Zimbabwe.

It is not organically connected to any interest or community of interest, the way Zanu-PF is.

Zanu-PF is united around legacy and land; Chamisa’s Triple C around nothing, which is why it has no bidding ideology or interest around which to coalesce.

While most of us forgave Tsvangirai, Chamisa’s predecessor, we find it hard to grant Chamisa the poetic license of earthiness.

Chamisa and those around him preen themselves as part of Zimbabwe’s literati, the learned one in his case.

In typical Dickensian style, he is a coxcomb who loves big statute books behind him as props.

Let’s grant him all such pretences. But he should not blame us for measuring him by the rod of his own choosing.

So many bald excuses

With him unilaterally — nay unconstitutionally — at the helm, one thought the West’s neo-colonial project had acquired some modicum of literate local leadership; that however misplaced and treacherous to country and continent, the project would be sold better to the masses, with a fair amount of decent pretences.

Not what we got after the Professor’s rejoinder! Congresses are a Zanu-PF mechanism for infiltrating the opposition, one bald section of his supporters bellowed!

Did ZANU-PF itself go to Congress after 2017 “coup”, wailed another section! Why won’t the courts fast-track the legitimacy case in courts against President Mnangagwa, yelled yet another section of Chamisa’s supporters!

Who says congresses are a must for a political party, roared another portion!

To which another added: we have no Constitution, meaning nothing provides for a Congress!

You can’t breach a Constitution which doesn’t exist, came another dart!

When a toddler drops two milk teeth

Never in my little life did I ever imagine I would meet, let alone grapple, with this type of crass political thinking in this column.

Never at all.

Yet here I am, afflicted by it, and in this my late life!

Let’s start with the bedrock: the party Constitution.

Triple C says it has no Constitution; and because it does not have a Constitution, nothing provides for a Congress! In one illogical logic, two Cs are knocked off the Triple!

The name Triple C now looks incongruous, what with only one C left!

It’s like a day-old toddler growing, decaying and dropping two milk teeth in the crib!

You don’t snuff out an original or antecedent sin by inanely leapfrogging to brew a false debate on the succedent.

Why doesn’t Triple C have a Constitution anyway?

While claiming it is ready to govern, but without a governing covenant in its home!

Even the earthy Tsvangirai was literate enough to use NCA as an interim vehicle as the yet-to-be-launched MDC was “working” on its constitution!

Why not become a monarchical party?

What we now have at the helm is a man who by self-proclamation is an advocate who says he sits in chambers.

But he seems completely unaware that an organisation called a party needs a ‘setting’/founding document?

And this several years after Tsvangirai passes on, and after usurping power thereafter?

And this more than a year after losing the party he usurped to one Mwonzora, and staying as long and quiescently in nameless constitutional twilight before emerging from the chrysalis as Triple C?

Worse, with a whole year to go before the next harmonised elections, he cannot envisage drafting a constitution, because he can’t stand democracy on whose ticket he rose?

And because he won’t subject himself to an elective Congress such a constitution enjoins?

Well, let him draw up a constitution for a monarchical party; monarchs don’t run on womb constitutions, on DNAs!

We refuse to be stampeded into the next, false question: Why is Triple C without a constitution in the first place?

So they have a bad, unconscionable retort to charges of not holding a Congress?

What monster have these guys sired and let loose upon Zimbabwe’s political society? Sunday Mail

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